I don’t know how much I’ll be blogging in the months to come. I’m planning on starting my own business. GOPHab. I see a real need for a business like this, and I’d be remiss not to go for it. I’d like to take this opportunity to post job openings at GOPHab. Qualified candidates, feel free to email me your resumes.
Job Descriptions:
Alcohol Abuse Counselors: Someone to counsel Republicans who decide they are alcoholics after they are up for investigation. This will be an easy job, because most of them aren’t really alcoholics, they just use this sorry excuse for their bad, sometimes illegal, behavior. If this is the case, you refer them to the the proper department at GOPHab. Don’t worry though, there will be more clients coming your way once the election is over. All the Republican losers who have to give up their power will be visiting GOPHab in no time at all. What with all that free time, they will be drinking their days away.
Anger Management Counselors: I’m going to need many anger management counselors to deal with all the angry Republicans when the Democrats take control of congress come November 7th. I’m looking at hiring 6 counselors just to deal with Karl Rove, alone.
Eating Disorder Counselors: You get to deal with the likes of Karl Rove, Denny Hastert, and Rush Limbaugh. As soon as they get out of anger management and alcohol rehab classes.
Personality Disorder Counselors: Oh man, no telling how many PDC’s I’m going to need. There’s so many sociopathic, psychopathic, narrcisistic Republicans. To be sure, we’re going to need a few to either cure Bush of this, or give him the narcissistic supply he needs. Tom Delay is already signed up for this counseling, and he’ll report as soon as he gets out of the slammer. Bill O’Reilly will be visiting you as soon as he’s done with the Anger Management Counseling sessions. We will be hiring “visiting counselors” to report to different prisons around the country and administer counseling on site.
Cultural Diversity Counselor: These counselors will deal with the likes of George Allen, George Azra and any other Republicans who like to use racial slurs in everyday life.
Pathological Liars Counselors: This will be the first step our clients. We need to get them to stop with the pathological lying before they can move on to other issues, so this is the first stop for all clients.
Dick Cheney/Donald Rumsfeld Counselors: We just aren’t sure what will do it for these guys, so we’re devoting a whole ward to them and we’ll keep working at it until we figure out what makes them tick……besides greed.
Shoe Fettish Counselor: You will attend to Condi Rice, as she tries pair after pair after pair of shoes on and prances around in them saying “But….but……but….they named a tanker after me!!”
Hopeless Batshit Crazy Attendants: You will oversee the hopeless, batshit whacko crazed Republicans that there’s no hope for. Such as Ann Coulter, Rick Santorum, Bob Novak, Hugh Hewlitt, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Janet Parshall, Katherine Harris, Ted Stevens. Bill Frist will be in this area, and you’ll have to keep a close eye on him, as he’ll wander and pose as a doctor, trying to diagnose and treat other clients.
In the Closet Republican Counselor: You will be working with Joe Liebermann.
AWOL, A-OK” Group: Someone to lead sessions to be held nightly for clients experiencing emotional trauma relating to “rich daddy”, “5-deferments” or “butt-cyst” phenomena. We guarantee positive outlook through routine “I am a truly patriotic American” chanting. If you say it enough, it’s gotta be true!
Van Driver: Several van drivers needed to transport the patients to and from court.

New positions will be posted here as needed. Wish me luck!!!!!!!