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06
Dec
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by Buck
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Woman’s tail wind downs jetliner
In case of emergency . . . pull finger!
Flatulence brought down an American Airlines flight early Monday. It is believed to be the first incident in which gastrointestinal gas has forced an emergency landing.
American Flight 1053 was enroute from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, when alarmed passengers reported smelling struck matches, Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority told the Tennesseean newspaper.
Despite the odoriferous menace, the plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.
The passengers were taken off the plane with their luggage to go through security checks. Bomb’sniffing dogs found the matches. Astute FBI agents managed to identify and question a passenger who admitted she struck the matches to conceal a body odor issue caused by a medical condition. The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on.
“American has banned her for a long time,” Lowrance said. It is unclear whether she intends to create a stink over the ban. She was not charged although it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane.
Other than being obviously funny, this story carries a serious tone. What should one do if hit with a case of on-flight gas? It’s not like you can roll down a window or step outside for a bit. So do nothing? Oh I’m sure that would go over well…
I suggest a call to the Whoopi Cushion Company. Maybe they could build a reverse-whoopi, where one sits on a deflated whoopi and auto-inflates it… saving oneself from loads of embarrassment.
