Rummy Has Left The Building
Buck December 8th, 2006 - 4:54 pmRumsfeld [Flips America The Bird]
WASHINGTON - In an emotional farewell at the Pentagon, Donald H. Rumsfeld said Friday the worst day of his nearly six years as secretary of defense occurred when [Americans, and the rest of the world] learned of [his] Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse.
Speaking to a gathering of [Halliburton executives] 10 days before he is to leave office, Rumsfeld defended his record on Iraq and Afghanistan and warned of “[loss of power over Iraqi oil fields] were we to fail” in the war.
He also said he might write a book about [being on the take while jeopardizing the lives of our young military men], and he predicted that his successor, Robert Gates, would do a good job. He declined to say what advice he had offered Gates, who was confirmed by [both the republicans and democans... republicrats... republican-lites... oh, you know who I mean!] this week.
…In a question-and-answer session billed as a “town hall meeting,” he was asked what were his best day and his worst day.
“Clearly, the worst day was Abu Ghraib, seeing what went on there and feeling so deeply sorry that [people found out about it],” he said without hesitation. The scandal in the spring of 2004 involving an Iraq prison triggered worldwide condemnation and prompted Rumsfeld to twice offer his [hand in marriage] to President Bush. Bush rejected those offers [in hopes that 'Dick' would have a change of heart].
“I guess my best day, I don’t know, may be a week from Monday,” he said with a grin, referring to the day [he begins his new job as overlord of a local sweatshop concern].
Asked how he wants history to remember him, he said simply, “Better than [those fucking writers over at BlueHerald].”
(NOTE: parts of this post are fictional. It is up to you, the reader, to figure out which parts those are.)
