From The Satirical Political Report. I love this website!

Although dead for the last 13 years, Richard Milhous Nixon has announced yet another, and presumably final comeback, in order to reclaim his title as the most reckless and corrupt President in U.S. history.

Speaking from his privately-gated community in hell, Nixon stated that he thought he was through with politics, but that he felt compelled to run again “since the Bush gang has made my Administration look like a bunch of juvenile delinquents.”

Nixon further asserted that “although Bush has dramatically eclipsed my records for corruption and constitutional violations, Bush’s statistics should have an asterisk, since they were obviously accomplished with the aid of steroids.”

The man known as “Tricky Dick” also claimed that “after waterboarding, Watergate doesn-t look so bad. Hell, you guys thought Haldeman and Ehrlichman were a coupla- tough Krauts, but when it comes to Nazis, this Rove guy seems to be the real deal.”

Nixon, the only President to have resigned under cloud of scandal, added that while he invaded Cambodia, Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist’s office and the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee, he had the good sense not to stick his nose into the hornet’s nest of the Middle East.

The 37th President also emphasized that he was merely obsessed with “destroying my political enemies, not the entire eco’system.”

Nixon also expressed jealousy for the high-tech environmnent in which Bush gets to do his modern-day dirty work: “It’s a lot easier to delete e-mails than those damn reel-to-reel tapes.”

But the man the press loved to hate couldn-t resist getting one more dig in at his tormentors: “After Bush, you only wish you had me to kick around again.”