This past week’s lengthy discussions about racial statements, hate mongering and insults made me think “why not lighten up this discussion just a little bit?” So, we present to you, a one-time segment we call “When Insults Had Class“. Enjoy!

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
— Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
— Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
— William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
— Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
— Moses Hadas

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
— Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
— Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
— Oscar Wilde

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
— Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
— John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
— Irvin S. Cobb

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
— Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
— Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
— Robert Redford

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
— Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
— Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
— Mae West

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts…for support rather than illumination.”
— Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
— Billy Wilder