Of the nearly 600 undecided assassins who responded to the [CBS News /New York Times] poll, 37 percent said they strongly favor either Sen. Hilary Clinton (D-NY) or Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) to win. Nearly 22 percent reported that Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) would be an excellent choice based on such key factors as his immobility, his inability to raise his arms above his head to shield his face, and his stance on campaign-finance reform. The remaining 40 percent responded that, due to growing disillusionment with the voting system and unsatisfying platforms from all the frontrunners, they would be happy to shoot any one of the candidates through the chest and throat from an abandoned factory.

These people are too funny!